免許合宿レポートコラム スピードのこっち側 第4話 by 吉本ユータヌキ

o4c
コラムタイトル

まず、今回で4話目となるこのコラム“自動車運転免許”をテーマとして書いているのに全く運転のことについて触れていないことをお詫び申し上げます。

と言いますのも、ここまで散々書いてきました『友達ができない』というのが以上に深刻過ぎまして。そのせいもあり

 

 

 

勉強も運転も捗り過ぎてまして。

 

休憩中も教科書読むしかない。キャプテン翼くんばりに『教科書は友達』って。今までこんな自分いたんやなと。自分やればできるやんって、新しい自分に出会わせてくれてありがとうって天を仰ぐしかなくて。

o4c

そんなこんなで学科も運転も全く問題なく進んできたんです。しいて言うなら走ってる途中にブレーキを思いっきりギューーーーーーーン!!!!!!!って踏みたくなる衝動との闘いぐらいかな。ありません?たまにブレーキが急すぎて教官の首がもげるんじゃないかってぐらい揺れてたりするのが楽し…やめときましょう。

 

でも実はひとつだけ運転に不安を抱えて卒業してきてしまったんですよね。

それが“高速教習”。高速道路を走る授業やったんですけど、僕が通ってた教習所が田舎過ぎて高速まで40分かかるみたいで。高速にたどり着いたら授業が終わるというなんとも無念な所だったので“高速シミュレーション”というゲームセンターのレースゲームみたいなのだったんです。

 

シミュレーションで高速教習する教習所も少なくないみたいなんですけど、そりゃ本物とは雲泥の差であって全くリアリティもない。スピードにも迫力ないしなんだか関口宏のフレンドパークⅡかなって思っちゃうぐらいのショボさ。

けど、しないよりはいいかと。備えあれば憂いなしかと自分の心を騙し、少しワクワクしながら順番を待つことに。

 

50分の授業を生徒3人で回すというものだったんですけど、僕が一番最後で『お、これはなんだかオチをつけないと。頭文字Yの血が騒ぐぜ!』なんて変な感情すら芽生えてきたり。

まずは一人目の二十歳ぐらいのお兄ちゃんが乗り、途中『160km/h出してみなさい!』なんて言う教官の無茶振りにも答えながら無事クリア。

 

次にこれまた二十歳ぐらいのヤンキーのお兄ちゃんが挑む。

『風になってイイっすか?』 なんてマジなのかボケなのかTHE BOOMなのかわからんような発言を残してシートに座る。そして発車と同時にバックギアで全力バックして衝突。壁になりたかったのかな。

 

気を取り直してスタート。

『追い越して!』『車線変更!』と教官が支持をする。

続いて『トンネル…入る前…ライト付けて…』『…風…強風…..』なんだか歯切れが悪い。

『…150出そ…』『……カー……』ん?

 

運転しているヤンキーの兄ちゃんは180km/hを出して風どころか暴風になっているにも関わらず教官は何も言わない。おかしいと思って見てみると

 

04b 寝てる。

 

すっごい気持ちよさそうに。確かにこのシミュレーションはリアリティがなければ事故もしない。全く緊張感のないゲームであろうとお主が寝るかと。

教官は寝てるしヤンキーは180km/hでカーブを曲がりきれずにガッシャンガッシャン事故っている。USJのアトラクションばりに揺れて楽しんでいる。

ぶつかったって何度ども立ち上がり全力で走り続けるその不屈の精神に感銘を受けてしまうのと、教官が終わりを告げずに交代の時が来ない危機感に涙が流れる。

 

もうここは無法地帯。自動車とは遠く離れた何か違う世界に来ているような錯覚に陥った。そして教官を起こす鐘がなり、僕の存在自体がなかったかのように授業が終わる。

 

僕の高速教習シミュレーションが終わる。あの緊張感のないゲームですらしていない。

 

でもよく考えてみるとあんなにも現実とかけ離れたシミュレーションで高速道路の運転を仮定してしまうぐらいなら、ぶっつけ本番でガチガチに緊張してでも挑んだ方が結果的に良かったのかもしれない。

 

 

高速道路を160km/hで風になればいいという事だけは覚えました。

 

 

つづく

毎週木曜日に更新です!


ユータヌキアイコン

【雑談】
つい最近、ネコを飼い始めたのですが、まさかのネコアレルギーでした。家ではずっとマスクをし、毎日“喘息”と戦いながら生活しています。それでもネコが好きなので苦に思うことはありません。けど、先日夜中に咳が止まらず寝れなくなってしまい、ネコのいるベッドから抜け出してリビングの床で寝ました。ネコがベッドに寝ているのに僕がリビングの床という家庭内格差の歪みを感じました。

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